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*~*The Sweetest Disease*~*

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6/7/11 04:32 pm - I'M MeLTiNG!!!!!!!

 



As I type this, it is a scorching 102 degrees here in Minneapolis.
Part of my car melted off and a rash of "
PAVEMENT FAILURES" have plagued the metro area.  ((HA!))
Some believe it has something to do with the sun emitting a ridiculously large explosion.
Either way, it sucks.
 











 

6/2/11 10:53 am - OLD CONVO BETWEEN NICKOLARSE & MESELF


((8/18/05))

AngeL Face(S): Yeah I hear it.


Nick: so yeah, i want you to be prepared the next
time i come down, go out and get 2 cans of redi-
whip, a 12 pack of huggies, 4 pairs of oven mitts, and
a rod stewart cd


AngeL Face(S): LOLOLOL!!!! Well I already have the
Rod Stewart cd, but till then I'll have to get ma ass in
GEAR!

Nick: fuckin A

AngeL Face(S): And I demand you bring a large
mess of Spaghettios ((12 family size cans)), a tarp,
some hedge clippers, and a bison.

Nick: the bison, surprisingly enough, will not be a
problem, we got this truck stop outside of town that
grows their own buffalo, ill just jack one of those
fuckers and ride him down


AngeL Face(S): LOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AngeL Face(S): You are cheering me up!

Nick: thats what i do
Nick: that is some bullshit, that dude was harder
than my cock
Nick: so check this shit out, i have a story to tell you.
last night i was at the bar with my buddy
cameron.........................
Nick: this dude one of our friends knew was sitting
with us, cameron was way beyond drunk and
smoking (which he normally doesnt do) and
accidentaly ashed his smoke on this fool


AngeL Face(S): LoL

Nick: the guy got all pissed and cam apologized and
told the dude he was a punk and he couldnt help it,
the dude in turn told cam that he wasnt a punk and
that was just bullshit

Nick: cameron, being the punk that he is decided a
good way to show this dude how punk he was would
be to dump a WHOLE FUCKING PITCHER OF BEER
ON HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


AngeL Face(S): NICE!!!!

Nick: the dude just about shit in his pants got up and
straight decked cameron right in the nose, and
cameron promply was escorted out of the abr

Nick: bar even


AngeL Face(S): LoL

Nick: yeah, it was an eventful night

AngeL Face(S): Sounds like it.
AngeL Face(S): I got drunk and smoked a cig a few
weeks ago.
AngeL Face(S): Now I want one all the time.

Nick: how was it?
Nick: hahaha


AngeL Face(S): TASTY I came in my pants ten times
over!

Nick: sheeeit, i do that when something rubs my
bulge

Nick: what???................did i just say that!!!!!!!!!!!!!


AngeL Face(S): DAMN, Nick! Censor yourself why
don't you!?

Nick: i try, but you know you're just as filthy if not
worse than me


AngeL Face(S): You said, "BULDGE"! That reminds
me of David Bowie in Labyrinth

Nick: hahah, now that was a bulge and a half

AngeL Face(S): AMEN, Brutha!

Nick: awwwww shit, i should go put some pants on
and wander out into the world, i havent done shit
today and im feeling pretty worthless


AngeL Face(S): Me either.


AngeL Face(S): Me too.

Nick: well..............get some goddamn pants on and
go creep around wit you crazy self


AngeL Face(S): Broken foot..remember? =(

Nick: oh yeah, how the fuck did you do that?

AngeL Face(S): I should do it anyway...
AngeL Face(S): Ugh.. I was giving a rather tall guy a
a piggy back ride in 3 & 1/2 " heels.
AngeL Face(S): ::::::grins sheepishly::::
AngeL Face(S): OOPs!

Nick: you deserve it.................

AngeL Face(S): SHUT UP!
AngeL Face(S): *** Smacking ***

Nick: ::::::sob::::::::
Nick: ok, i should really go, ill talk to yo crazy white
ass later homie


AngeL Face(S): ok =(

Nick: hugs and handjobs

AngeL Face(S): Right back at jew!

Nick: later G

NicKoLaRsE WheRe ArE JeW???










5/17/11 01:06 am - FaMoUs AnUS





Note to self:  Stop sending
(____) to famous acquaintances and focus brainmeats on writing New York Times Bestseller. 






5/12/11 06:37 pm - OH, MY-MY-MY VA-VAGINA!

I heard (from Diablo Cody) that when she was employed at Sex World's "DOLLHOUSE", her and the other "dolls" actually sold their used tampoons.  The only thing I want to know is not why, but for how much?  




LMFAO!


How much would you sell yours for?

3/5/11 04:07 am

 (10/5/10)
 




Tags:

3/5/11 02:58 am

 James:  "I need someone who can draw. " 
 
"WHY?"

James:  "I want someone to draw a bunch of zombies. "

 "Oh, yeah?"  

James:  "Yeah, twenty-four of them, and they all need to be about this big."  

(He shows me an inch of space between his thumb and fore-finger.)

"What for? "

James:  "Cause I'm going to take it to the post office to see if they will make them into stamps."


I laughed long and hard at this.
Then I showed him an easier way to decompose the U.S. Postal Service.

11/9/10 06:30 pm - Loco Luna

 November 9, 2010

J. Luna:  hi amy remember me?

ME: HELLo

J. Luna:   girl I'm 28 tomorrow!

ME: I actually have the worst memory ever... I don't remember hardly anything before '04. I had me a brain injury that didn't help my brainmeats much either
HAPPY FUCKIN' BIRFDAY!! Do you want the b-days to stop now like I do? lol

J. Luna:  oh so do you know Anne H
Havlerson

ME: Halverson? I think we had the same german class once or twice?

somedays

ME: Ugh I'm terrible =\

J. Luna:  she nice
I can't find john macon

ME: Did you and I have classes together? What was your last name before you got hitched?

lueken
Sean is my older brother

ME: DAMN! Your last name sounds really familiar but I aparently have dementia. I really don't remember shit about high school.

J. Luna: I was friends with Gloria

ME: HAPPY EARLY BDAY!

we were really close
do you know her

ME: I remember Gloria but I don't remember who hung out with who and all that. She and I had many classes together since 6th grade.

J. Luna:  who do you remember more/
I remember you had lots of friends
OK Amy talk to you later.

ME: LOL that's what I am told but I seriously don't remember shit about high school. So much has happened since then it seems like 60 years ago. Plus I had a brain injury that left my former years a bit fuzzy..
HAPPY BDAY!

J. Luna: OK

10/16/10 07:16 am - POLICE BLOTTER

 



One of my favorite things in the Star Tribune ((Mpls Newspaper)) is a small occurrence printed on a tiny portion of the West-Metro section.
It only blesses me with it's presence on Wednesdays but fills me with so little hope for humanity!
It also makes me laugh my ass off.
The title speaks for itself.
Just a few selected gems of what the criminals are up to in the cities and surrounding suburbs.
I should have been more proactive in the past and cut the good ones out so I wouldn't be attempting to scratch them out of my dusty brain, but here is by far the best one I ever read:


"Animal Complaint:
Man calls police to report a belligerent squirrel at the end of his dock prohibiting him from gaining access to his boat.
While the man told officers he knew they couldn't do anything about it, he just wanted them to know what kind of squirrels they had running around the neighborhood."




That's almost as good as the time some guy called the cops to report someone had stolen all the beer out of his garage.
Can we say hard-core alchy?

 

10/9/10 05:12 pm



 October 9, 2010

There probably won't be a lot of pressure on you, or much performance anxiety within you today, Pisces, but you may attend an event of a somewhat formal nature. This could also be a show of some type; it would be astrologically perfect were it from somewhere far away. At least some part of the day, you'll probably put some energy into working on your long-term plans and setting new goals for the future. The lack of planetary combinations is favorable to you today.

Compatibility: Capricorn
Mood: Cheerful
Your Daily Lucky Color: Green
Lucky Number: 46
Lucky Time of Day: 7pm
 

10/9/10 05:03 pm - BRAiNS!!!

 



















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I decided to end my protest  this year and finally attend the Minneapolis Zombie Pub Crawl.

I think I read somewhere that it's one of the largest in the country.
It's amazing that it only started 5 or 6 years ago with barely 25 in attendance.
The crowd expands at an exponential rate every year smashing the original
attendance prediction for 2010 from 8,000 to the collassal figure of 11,000+!!!

I use to do the zombie thing before it was popular.

I once drove up to 50 miles to pick up a prosthetic piece to make it look as though my ribcage was exposed
and now I can find that shit less than a block from where I live.

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Anyway, I called 'Old Ironsides' ((my padre's momma-san)) this afternoon....

"I'm going to the Zombie Pub Crawl tonight Grandma!"
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah, I figured since I didn't really do much the past 2 Halloweens I would go all out this year!"
"That sounds like something I could've gotten into when I was your age."

She kicks so much ass.

"I'm not just going as a regular zombie though.  I asked myself, 'How can I take this one step further?' so I decided to go as a pregnant zombie!  I have the doll parts to glue over my big baby belly and everything."
"Oh, wow!"  She 
chuckled,  probably suspecting I have a mental problem or two..
"But it was still not original enough so I thought, 'Hmm, how can I take this one step beyond?'  Then decided to go as a pregnant nun!"
She laughed at this.
"Is that considered blasphemy, Gramma?"  I asked sweetly.  
She considers herself a recovering Catholic.
"Well keep your nose clean!"
"What the fuck?"  I said laughing.  
"That's something my Dad use to say to me before I went out on the town -actually it was 'Keep your nose clean, Twerp!'"
"Oh, my god that's so cute!"  I love hearing little things like that about dead relatives.

Anyway... 

I have some undead business to finish. . 
here I go








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Tags:

10/8/10 11:36 pm - FUCK YOU RONALD MC NASTY!

 



THIS WILL MAKE YOU VOMIT:

FOULNESS.

































 

10/1/10 06:39 pm - No More Mr. Nice Guy

 









I was shopping at my neighborhood hippie grocery store yesterday afternoon after a seemingly endless day of work.
Tired, crappy, and just wanting to go home to nap for the next 750,000 years I was in no mood for humans.
I survey some scrumptious green beans, and wait for the scary, bespectacled hippie bitch to get done eating them.
I handpick a small satchel of goodies all the while she is staring at me 
off to my left.
In a small voice I hear, "I think you're suppose to use the tongs for those."
I ignore her thinking:
'I THINK YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO PAY FOR THEM BEFORE YOU EAT THEM!'
She repeats herself.
'I THINK YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO WASH THEM BEFORE YOU CONSUME THEM ANUS-FACE!'
I continue to molest the locally grown green beanie goodness...
Finally, she steps closer to me, "I think you're suppose to use the tongs for those."
Agitated, tired and sick of being a sweet young lady I turn to her, look her dead in the eye and say, "You can suck my ass!"
I turn around and go my merry way.
Behind me I hear her freaking out.
Not so much saying actual words, but uttering a bunch of indecipherable grunts and such in her naughty new not-so-indoor voice.
For a split second I am afraid her reaction will cause the others in the vicinity to suspect me of theft, assault or some other situation in which I would be forced to explain myself to authorities

For the first time that day, a huge smile is plastered to my face and remains there until I return to my home.


I'm sorry, but sometimes I just get sick of being the sweet, helpful, law-abiding individual I am.
And sometimes you just have to put some over-privileged white cunt in her righteous place.
And DAMN did it ever feel good!
My gay husband is on his way to take us out for adult beverages and nosh on some oceanic asian delights!


 

9/28/10 11:26 pm - DAX RIGGS

 
I WANT TO PUT HIM IN MY MOUTH....



Dax Riggs (born 15 October 1973 in Evansville, Indiana, United States) is an independently-signed singer/songwriter. His diverse musical style encompasses heavy metal, psychedelic rock, blues rock, and post-punk. His distinct lyrical style is characterized by a consumption by darkness, Satanic visions, druggy hallucinations, melancholy, morbid imagery, and a fascination with death in specific, all in an impassioned, raspy baritone that can be largely characterized as nocturnally beautiful in feeling.  ((WTF!?!  I loveit!!!))

Recently attended concert with ilona, Rob met us there.  Some guy in a wheelchair screwed me out of $2 when I agreed to go buy a drink for him but he was handicapped and I was too polite to call him out.
Met Dax for the second time.
Mmm......

I was standing around working on consuming my 2nd gargantuan Corona when all of a sudden he appears right in front of ilona and I!
I  wave like I usually do when I'm pretending I'm in need of a helmet while on a playground.

"HEY!  Nice to see you again!" 
"Thanks for comming out!"

He comes in closer so I can say these words in his ear:
"I saw you in the 400 bar last time you were here - the one that was literally falling apart every 5 minutes- and we talked [for good long while] about Gummo!"
"Oh, yeah!"
"This is my friend, ilona."  I say gesturing to the star-struck sex kitten to my left.

"OMG!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE WE MET HIM!  I WOULD HAVE NEVER KNOWN HE WAS STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!  AND HERE YOU ARE INTRODUCING US ALL NONCHALANT AND SHIT!"  ilona revealed later that evening.

DAX RIGS
Some dude from the band who looked like a vampiric better looking version of Elijiah Wood.  
I asked Dax to sign the Deadboy & the Elephant Men CD I bought there.  
I felt like he owed me something because I haven't bought a CD in like 20 years 
...((which I told Dax who responded with, "GOOD!  BUT ANOTHER!")) 
['Hey fuck you bo'ah I bought a sticker too so shove it up yo shit-chute and let me sit on yo face!']
...and I sure as fuck  have never bought a CD at a show....or anything for that matter.


Last time I met him entry come soon...when I have mo' time.  
Because it's a much better story...


9/28/10 08:58 pm - I AM ROBOX

 





Can't sleep.....

...need day off

I am robot.


Today I got a VM from an internet aquiantance who runs a winery tour guide business here in MN.
He asked if I would photograph his tour group on the 14th.
Some out-of-towners who plan on tying the knot her in the Land-o-10,000 Lakes.
Opportunity to make money selling prints to the peeps too.
Asked if I was interesting in bartending at the wedding too.
I disenchantingly told him the only drinks I know how to make don't exist in the BIG BOOK OF BOOZE
((in otherwords..drinks myself or friends have created such as:))


"THE PANTIE-DROPPER"  a nauseatingly sweet concocction involving
Cachaça, aguave nectar a shitload of other things I can't remember.  All topped off with crystalized mint leaves as garnish at he bottom of the glass. 

OR

"THE CAPTAIN BLORGAN"  
a drink I do not recommend to anyone who is not on death row which involves mixing the now extinct Pepsi Blue and that putrid "rum" they call Capt. Morgan.  This drink not only looks and smells like toilet water, it sort of tasted as I imagine a urine cake would and was only concoccted once by ilona and I when we were still jailbait, desperate and obviously berefit of any standards whatsoever! 

"That's okay," he told me, "We are only selling beer or wine so that shouldn't be a problem!"
"Well fucking count me in fo' sho!"  I gushed.  "That's just one of the many vocations I always wanted to try (...once.)"


ALSO, STRAIGHT TO YOU FROM DESTINATION STRANGEVILE:

Ran into my BFF from Kindergarden!!!
I was hoping she wouldn't recognize me as I had been sweating like a displaced Haitian in a coal mine and was totally without make-up.
Normally I am not one of those girls but due to a certain skin condition, if I don't have foundation on I resemble an angry baked lobster..or an extra horny Santa CLause with my rosy red cheeks!  ((Ugh, horny and Santa do not ever belong in a sentence together!))
Since I was buying delicious Trader Joe Adult Beverages she checked my identification as my gaze wandered elsewhere.
"OMG!"
"Wow! Hey Britta!  How the hell have you been!?
"Good, good...been a  l o n g  time..."
"Of course you see me after my 3, 678 hour shift and with out any makeup!"
"So where did you move to after you left anyway?"
"You know..."  I said desperately trying to get my sleep-deprived brain to work, "I actually can't remember."
After approximately 3 seconds of pondering the possibility I might indeed have early on-onslaught dementia I scontinued, "Yeah, there was a lot of moving around for me throughout those years."
"I was so sad when you left!"
"Not as sad as I...  that was the only school I went to that I have the fondest memories of.I can't believe we haven't seen each other since KINDERGARDEN!!!"  But now that I think of it she and I both celebrated my 8th birthday and had identically terribly bad perms.

Anyway we vowed to hang out real soon since we are in the same hood and all.
I can still remember her adorable little kid self.
She was such a fuckin cutie!
and out of all the memories I've mostly forgotten,  I will always remember our friendship, our laughs....etc.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST...

TODAY I LEARNED:
A womans vaginal canal can be 3-7 inches long.

You learn something new every day, right?



9/17/10 02:11 am - JimmyJAMES to the BROWNski

 












Dear Jimmy B., 

Do you remember our sexy time together in the starched old state of Texas?
You accompanied me to THAT NUDIE BEACH in Austin, 
kept me warm and cozy in Houston, 
and reminded me throughout the duration of the vacation that it is indeed A MAN'S MAN'S MAN'S WORLD.
Anyway, I sorry you died, say hello to your former band-mate, Billiam Shatner for me...
and come see me again some time real soon!

::::::::blows a kissel:::::::

9/16/10 11:42 pm - Jesse's Girl

 




FINALLY...
after all these years of waiting and wondering 
-I finally spot you near the cell phone stand at the mall.
I reached out and touched your jacket softly before I even realized the sin I was committing.
A silent salutation slipped from my mouth as I passed without pause to which you responded to in a comatous and zombie-like fashion.
And with about the same enthusiasm one usually reserves for a self-enduced lobotomy.
I understood, the warden was near and if we get caught death is the diagnosis.

But is that also why you look more sad, alone, desolate and miserable than I ever saw you all those nights we clung to each other through our darkest days?
Tags:

9/16/10 02:01 am - Boo!

 


I lost 1/3 of my bathroom bamboo garden the day before last -courtesy of my brainless feline a.k.a "The Spanish Slut".

I think she's broken.


Oh, and as of this moment she has decided to do her best to stuff her lanky frame inside a small cardboard box.
Like...uh two/fifs too small.

9/9/10 07:01 pm - So Much Work...So Little Timmy-Time!











 I should be at kickball right now but....

9/7/10 06:09 pm - Greetings from the Pussy Ranch!







 "I am not messy and unsettled in an adorable, sanitized, Jennifer Aniston-esque way.
I am messy and unsettled like your recently-divorced uncle with the gin blisters.
I am like a destructive masturbating bear cutting a swathe through Minneapolis, tainting the twentysomething scene with my juvenile antics."
~DC

8/25/10 09:56 pm - Ask And You Shall Receieve.....

 







Last week I was scanning the boring radio while en route to pick up Steve-O when I came across the goofiest song ever.
I had never heard it before, and I didn't recognize the station.
I figured Steve-O would know as he can usually answer any of my many random Q's.
((Particularly impressing me one time when I asked him how mermaids took a dump and he knew the name of fish-genitalia!!)).
I puled a super-duper-DORK move by calling my home # from my cell and recording it on a VM so I could have others listen to it later.
The recording was extremely sub-par.
Needless to say he didn't know.

When we got back to my place I went on the radio website to check the track list.
They had ever single one except 7pm-12am.
It didn't make any fucking sense to us at all.
Hours later searching other sites yielded nothing but time wasted on my behalf.

A couple days ago I was filling in at Bert & Judys.
I had forgot my cell at home ((not like me)) so I decided to check my home VM
and I came across the mystery song -only this time on a phone that isn't all staticy and ass-sucky.
I was able to decipher a phrase, plus three words.
I googled them a few days later when I actually remembered ((this mornin' actually!))

MUCH TO MY SURPRISE
I WAS ABLE TO FIND OUT IT WAS
"FOOD PLAY" BY LADY SOVEREIGN!

I was even more surprised to realize I've had the fucking cd for the past year!!!
My brother burned it so I could familiarize myself w/ it for the concert we were suppose to go together ((I ditched him to hang out with an abusive cock)).


  

8/18/10 10:38 pm - Pizza Luce Block Party '10

 
I NEVER MISS A YEAR...
&
This was the best one yet!


 
August 14 · 12:00pm - 10:00pm
Location Pizza Lucé Uptown
3200 Lyndale Avenue South
Minneapolis, MN
Created By
Pizza Lucé
More Info John Swardson & Get Gone
Caroline Smith and the Goodnight Sleeps
City on the Make
Wild Colonial Bhoys
Dessa from Doomtree
Guzzlemug
Pink Mink
Proff with Rahzwell
Red Pens
Look Book
Brother Ali

This event is FREE! Noon - 10pm. Rain or Shine! Pizza Lucé Pizza, Brats (and veggie brats) and Summit Beer!

8/17/10 04:41 pm

 



((5 / 7 / 09))


“What?” Rob says to his roommate, Andrew.
“What?”
“Up your butt!”
“Thank you for ironing my pants, Rob!”
“No problem –you know I’m freaky like ‘dat!”
I giggle at their exchange.

*     *      *

After work yesterday I met my friend, Awesome Rob for drinks at (Musashi) the upscale sushi establishment located a couple floors below his office.
They have a valet service which I am not used to. 
I drove my rusty, battered Buick Century in the garage thinking to myself that my car will most likely be the beater of the day for these young brown fellows.
“Careful,” I tell the poor red-vested sap who takes my keys, “This car is cherry!”

After getting a shit-load of free drinks from the bartenders Awesome Rob has befriended during his after work commute ritual, we went to Sex World.  Rob commented how different the daytime crowd is considering he usually frequents the establishment at suspect times under suspicious circumstances.  Or as he puts it:  "at suspicious times on suspect substances".)

Upon entering, we immediately went our separate ways. Twenty minutes went by and I found myself in the naughty bondage section located in the back of the store. I was busy staring at an overwhelming section of restrictive devices when I spotted a man in my perhipherals who came over and stood next to me. My perv meter went off immediately. After a casual twenty or thirty seconds passes he says, “You know I never understood this whole bondage thing….can you explain it to me?”

WHAT THE FUCK!?

This was, of course, one of the special circumstances when a person or event catches you so off guard you become flustered and have a subsequent lack of all witty comebacks and/or general replies. I didn’t even know what to say until later…

*      *      *
Later, while at a safe distance from the establishment, Rob said, “Amy missing in the sex store….not good!  I searched for you and when I finally found you I could just tell automatically that you were in trouble –especially when you called me over by my name! It reminded me of a time when some deaf guy tried to talk to me.”

The woman who provided my pre-preschool day care was deaf and spoke funny. Needless to say, I learned how to properly impersonate deaf people at a very young age (Even though I knew it would buy me a first class ticket to straight to Hell). So in my best deaf voice I asked,

“Way new meang yew can underta’nt hih de’h voy?”

“It wasn’t so much that he was talking but pawing at my arm and gesturing and stuff.” He explained.

“What the fuck? First of all you don’t talk to people shopping in a sex store –especially when they are trying to purchase something kinky! And you sure as hell don’t ask questions about it! Ask the poor tattooed dude working behind the counter (that’s what they’re there for) or buy a fucking book!”

Anyway, I didn’t even know what to say to tis pervert he caught me so off guard. I answered his Q in some stupid, vague way:

“I mean… is it a power issue or something?” 

“For some people I guess… but some people like it both ways.”

“What do you mean…like guys and girls?” he pressed.

“No, I meant dom and sub.”

“So how do you go about it?” (What a vague fucking Q!)

“I don’t know…. It depends.” I said reluctantly,feeling slightly molested.

“On what?”

“Who you’re with and what they like.”

“Let’s say I was with you..”  

('NO!')

“I don’t know…,” I said distractedly as Rob passed by, “different people like different things, right Rob?!?” I said a little louder with my eyeballs open as wide as possible sending a secret distress signal that said, “HELP! PLEASE! I am being mentally molested by a desperate, stupid man (who vaguely resembles my personal hero Bill Hicks).

“Right” Rob said standing protectively by my side.

“Well,” he continues casually, (in a manner most people use to describe their enthusiasm for foosball.) “I like to see my girl get fucked by a guy.” He said leaving abruptly.

Rob and I look at each other completely dumbfounded, both of us thinking the same thing:

What the fuck are we even suppose to say to that?

Shortly after,  I glanced down an isle and guess who? Scary leather jacket guy in the lube isle simultaneously grabbing his crotch and glaring at me. -A look that was quite possibly a failed attempt to appear seductive.)

“Creepy!  Was he doing what I think he was doing?” I ask horrified.

“Mm-hmm.”

“Was that suppose to be directed at me!?”

“It appears to be so.”

“CREEPY! What a fucking serial killer!” I said. By now we were one isle over looking at the assorted selection of cock rings while dude was right behind us in another isle still watching me with the intensity of the rapist he probably is. “I’m scared, Rob!”

“Don’t be, if anything I’m more worried about Preppy Boy over there!”  Referring to a trim, tan, clean-cut man wearing an outfit that might suggest he had a history as a fraternity date rapist. ‘Could he be the “Cumlicker” Diablo Cody described in her book Candy Girl? -An encounter that frequently took place during her short employment in the Dollhouse?' I wondered.  He struck me as the type of fucked up individual who might possibly have an insatiable thirst  for licking dirty, congealed, disease-ridden semen from the floors of the jack-off booths.  

I pondered this as I made my way to the counter to purchase my items. A sloppy man in a motorized wheelchair buzzed/puttered out of the dollhouse.

“Sir!” He slurred with his slant mouth.

“I’ll be with you in a second.” The poor asshole behind the counter replied.

“I need somebody to help me close the door in (jackoff) booth number five!”

“I’ll be there in a minute, I’m the only one here.” Dude said more annoyed.


I shuddered. No amount of money could keep me tethered to a place that attracted and held several perverts and derelicts at a time.

Maybe my job isn’t that bad I told myself.
















 

8/13/10 07:53 pm - VACATION MEMORIES















2/22/09
SANTA CRUZ, CALIFORNIA

THE BORING HALF OF OUR ADVENTURE...Collapse )
Ilona and I headed to “downtown” Santa Cruz which reminded us of Mainstreet in Hopkins. We went to some dive bar called, “Asti”. It was the last time I smoked a cigarette inside a public place! Then we meandered to what we refer to as the “Art Bar” . They had couches to lounge on, candles and cool artwork displayed on the walls. Unfortunately for us, the pompous looking crowd watched the Acadamy Awards or Oscars or whatever. I saw ilona get really drunk again ((Hey-we were walking this time!)) And she was being very loud.
“Amy! Remember that time we sniffed coke off those railroad tracks??” This was probably the one and only time she embarrassed me in public. I quickly jerked my head in the direction of the other barflys to determine if we were detected – the din of conversation halted abrubptly as if the few people glancing our way were now anticipating my answer.
Up until this moment I had forgotten the event entirely although I remember why we did it –because I thought it would be cool to say we did it. Now I realize it was not one of my proudest moments.
I think it was the Art Bar where I had the last cigarette I smoked.
I bummed it from the owner’s nephew –a 19 year old named Shamus.

I don’t remember if it was shame, boredom or a combination of both the precipitated our departure. Lucky for us it turned out to be the best move we made during our visit to SC as it led us to the discovery of our next adventure!

-----THE FOLLOWING IS AN EXCERPT FROM MY JOURNAL-----
ILONA: "Do you wanna go to The Blue Lagoon?"
ME: "Yeah, I really wanna party in what sounds like Brooke Shield's Butthole!"
...So we enter and it is AWESOME!
[Ilona is ordering a drink and they were playing the Harry Belafonte Beetlejuice video while blasting The Butthole Surfers smash hit "I Had A Dream Last Night" from the Romeo & Juliet Soundtrack when we walked in. Now they are playing an Alice Cooper video and Plaything FUCKING SIOUXSIE!
::::I actually sound out the song in writing in my chicken-scribble journal here:::
It was actually titled "Cities In Dust"
---END EXCERPT---

When ilona was buying our drinks she was apparently trying to be my wingman.
((I later informed her that being wingman means I choose a victim and she lures him over as my partner in crime.
Her heart was in the right place though! -_-))
She brought some anus over who reminded me of the blonde dope from 'Return of the Living Dead' movies. I am pretty sure he followed her over to our table because he was under the impression she was interested in him. Then he brought his goofy friend over who went on (for seemingly eons) about how cool it was that we skipped town for a week. This was despite our numerous attempts to remind him how long we'd planned and saved for the excursion.
In the back of the establishment there was a dance floor w/ crazy lights and smoke effects. We perched along the sidelines to watch The Goths dance. I must admit I had never seen anything quite like it before in my life. Unfortunately words cannot properly convey the ultimate hilarity of the dance itself and the fact that each and every one of them danced the same!
The only way I can describe it is if you picture Pee-Wee in his Big Adventure dancing to "Tequila" -strange spasmodic hand motions and his weird forward/backward dip/thrust combo.
Or -as my friend, Gus announced at another time and at another goth bar:
"It's like watching a paraplegic do an interpretive dance to Yanni."

There was a blading gent dressed in a leather vest which revealed his curly pelt of chesticle hair who, not only looked like Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs, but danced like him too -minus the whole penis tuck thing of course.
Later, he tried to hit on ilona as I giggled from a distance. ((She was too polite to tell him to fuck off!))
We discovered a velvet-shrouded corridor which led us to yet another dance floor full of people doing the Slo-Mo -Pseudo slam-dance or what I will now refer to as "The Goth Stomp".

A short while passed and The Goth's were on to us.
I guess I wasn't being as slick/discreet as I thought while trying to immortalize the moment incognito-style by making a video with ilona's digital camera. Some guy on crutches hobbled up to me, "So, did you get any good footage?" he asked followed by a barrage of other questions I had no answers for. I attempted to play it off like filming strange dancers in strange places were a hobby of mine but I don't think he bought it. I was too distracted by the shiny flashing lights and heavy metal dance score to remember whatever he said next. When he left I turned to ilona, "Was that cripple giving me attitude?!?" Apparently offended in one way or another and being the asshole I am continued, "WTF is doing on the dance floor anyway -he has crutches for christ's sake!??"
Apparently there were no hard feelings because later that night as he made his mighty trek to exit the club he said, "Bye Ladies!" to which I replied, "Bye, Crutches!" He didn't hear me though because Bauhaus was blasting a song I recognized from 'Night of the Demons'. The song, I later identified as “Stigmata Martyr” by watching the credits, plays during a scene where a Goth chick wearing a black wedding dress becomes possessed and starts dancing all crazy in front of Sol the Italian in front of the fireplace.
((CLICK HERE FOR CLIP!!!))
Apparently it is not a myth that some dreams actually do come true because much to my delight, a girl on the dance floor broke into the very same dance leading me to believe she has also seen the movie -or that all goth people dance the same.
I remember some gothic gay boy who gave everyone all sorts of attitude and was the first person in all of friendly California to deny my offer to buy a cig for a dollar. I’m glad I can say it was a 19 year old boy named Shamus instead of some asshole who thinks he’s hot shit when he’s really just cold diarrhea.
I also remember the walk back to the motel. Laughing the whole way and not giving a slippery fuck that it was raining and we were getting soaked again.
We “Hasselhoffed” some vending machine delights upon our return.
In my best yokel voice, I brought ilona to the brink of breaking her bladder by repeatedly asking her, “Are yew treat’in may!?!” because it was now officially my birthday and she volunteered quarters.
 
 

9/11/07 04:26 pm - CHRISTINE

It is sooooooo incredibly fucking divine to have a car again.
Even if it's possessed.

 

3/21/07 06:30 am - I Can'T StoP SMiLiNG!!!

 
I'm madly in love
&
we are setting off for two weeks in Hawaii on Wednesday!!!
::::::: squeals ::::::::
 

2/17/07 10:06 am - I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY!!!!

 All my friends know I refuse to give up my favorite pair of shoes.
They use to be bright pink, but are now faded to a dark purplish color and are
literally falling apart.
Since they are the most comfortable pair of shoes I've ever owned, I have been
rocking them since my senior year in high school -which was like 6 years ago!
I've searched online for countless hours in a futile attempt to locate another pair.
Ilona found the exact same pair in the EXACT same size at Ragstock!!!
((And I have SASQUATCH feet!!!))
Now some of you might wonder what might possess an otherwise fastidious girl
to wear used shoes?
THESE FUCKERS HAVE NOT A SPOT OF DIRT ON THEM
AND
the bottoms are unscathed!!!

THANKS ILONA!!!
If it weren't for you I would have never seen them!
?

2/11/07 11:11 am - SHiT TicKeTs


Why is the little kid toilet paper ((the kind with the puppies and paw-prints)) always at least $3 cheaper than the regular stuff?
Sure it's a good idea to have toilet paper for kids so they know when to tear off a chunk,
but for SHITSSAKE
(( pun intended ))

 If I ever have kids I'ma tell 'em, "WIPE UNTIL IT'S CLEAN AND DON'T WASTE AN INCH OR I'LL SELL YOU TO THE GYPSIES!!!"
Now, every time I wipe me ass I think I'm hemmeragging when it's really just a shitty puppy in some cutesy pose.

 
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10/18/06 01:25 am - GAY DAY(s)

My day started not wanting to wake up as early as I did.
I got on the bus and I saw one of my really good gay buddies.
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW:
I'm an extreme FAG-HAG.
Gay guys fucking adore me for a variety of reasons I have yet to discover.
Anyway, this guy use to come into Holiday when I worked ther a million years ago and I saw him on the bus sitting in front of these two Mexican
ladies and he had them ROLLING!!!
Then this really old guy ((About 60 years old)) got on the bus and sat behind us on the other side of the bus and the Mexican ladies asked my buddy if he had a new boyfriend and he replied something that had the phrase, "FAG" in it -and that guy who might - I add had the coolest handlebar mustache I've seen in a fucking WHILE anwas like, "You know it's okay to use the term 'QUEER' now..." and then got off the bus ((at
the next fucking stop)) and said to us, "I should know, I'm as queer as they get!!!"  We didn't even know what to say it was just too damn funny!

THEN when we finally got to the Uptown station, by this time I got off to visit somebody at work, then I see this nasty-ass guy outside getting ready to get on the bus put out his cig (which he probably needed a roach clip for) out and proceed to blow the most half-assed snot rocket I
have ever seen in my life!
The chinese lady that was sitting accross the isle and in front of me freaked the fuck out saying, "Did you SEE THAT!?!?!
I agreed that it was probably the most digusting thing I'd see all week and by this time she moved her seat becasue that guy had placed himself in front of her and I didn't need to get close to him to realize he probably smelled a mighty bit ripe!

She then pulls out this container of Apple scent and revealed she also kept a thing of it in her car!
LMFAO!!!
When I got off the bus I touched her shoulder and told her to , "KEEP CLEAN", and to have a good day.

I got to school and told my academic advisor that I hated my classes and wanted to take off the rest of the semester to save up some cashish and take a breather and she gave me the neccessary paperwork.
I had to run around the school and get like, 7 signatures from different departments and with every signature I got I wondered more and more if I
was making the right desicion..... to take off a little time from school so I didn't fail al the classes I'm so behind in.
I made the right decision, right?

Guess it's too soon to tell?


Anyway, later on I had a few beers with one of my best friends and neighbors, Jesse.
We playwed the board game 'Sequence' and he ended up spiling his screwdriver all over the table.  I was like, "DAMN, this guy is wasted!"  But
then he said something that made me laugh so hard I started rocking back and forth in my chair which  ended up flipping backwatrds and I fell onto his space heater and knocked everything off his dinning room table.
((The only reason that didn't fall on me was because he caught it at just the right moment.))
Anyway, it made me laugh even harder and I couldn't even stand up for a while!
AND THAT WAS MY NIGHT!

10/7/06 06:22 pm - My Celebrityness



It's funny b/c the first picture I used came up with no matches.
LMFAO!!!

10/4/06 01:02 pm - FIRST WEDNESDAY OF THE MONTH

GOD, I LOVE THE FIRST WEDNESDAY OF THE MONTH!!!
ALL THOSE SEXY TORNADO SIRENS....

THEY GET ME HOT.

9/25/06 05:52 pm - EXCRUCIATINGLY SLOW DAY...

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). From time to time, you'll reinvent yourself for your own entertainment, but never because someone doesn't accept you the way you are. Those people will never understand, so it's not worth the effort.

9/24/06 08:53 pm - STRANGE ACCIDENTS AND OTHER STUFF...

A few weeks ago  -while I was waiting for the bus to take me home after school- dowtown I saw Chelsea Clinton walk by me.
It was really weird.  
I was no doubt staring at her like a tard when she smiled at me.

LAST THURSDAY
I don't know how, but I somehow managed to fall backwards down the flight of half-assed-padded concrete staircase leading to my bedroom.
I hit nmy head so hard I had a seizure.  I didn't know what was going on for a whole day!
I'm embarrassed b/c I wasn't even drunk.
Wish I had been though b/c that is just fucking retarded.... 
and not nearly as retarded as falling UP the stairs like I so often do.
Anyway, I am just starting to feel normal.  This past week has really been hell.
 

YESTERDAY
Sonme cop came in while I was working and was shooting the shite with me.
He knows how much tasers excite me b/c I always drool over it ( and myself) when I see his bright yellow contraption tucked snugly in the utiliy belt only the SERIOUS cops carry lol.
((BY THIS I MEAN INNER-CITY COPPERS))
Anyway, he let me fire his taser and it got me hot!
LMFAO!!!
What else happened yesterday that I told myself I wouldn't forget to type???
Oh, yeah Grandam Calrson ((my fav. granny)) came to town from the UP of Michigan and she is my absolute favorite family member.
She stayed with us a night, then took me out to breakfast the next morning to Perkins where I saw a girl from my chilhood married an dwith a baby.
I asked my grandma why there are girls with mustaches who are married and I'm not.
Of course she gave me the "You just haven't met the right one.." CRAP
She bought me socks and I love her.
.
I also saw my Auntie Bonnie for the first time since I found out she had the "BIG 'C'" two years ago.

THEN...
yesterday I threw my little sister a suprise sweet 16 party.  8 of her screaming teen fiends were there.  
We had a puker.... I think.
Cake and hotdogs just don't mix I hear.
I'm glad I made my sister's sweet 16 special even though I could not for the fucking LIFE of me find her card.

I didn't find her card I slaved away making with old Hustler magazines and Shitty Pages at work.
I eventually found it in the freezer when she left.
Apparently the glue wasn't dry when I sat a bag of ice on it.
Garsh, I'm retarded!

Oh, yeah... and I found out my stepfather has emphazyma.

9/11/06 09:19 pm

I decided recently that if any musical instrument could be a rapist, 
it would most definitely be the saxaphone.

9/7/06 08:59 pm - HAPPY BIRFDAY, STEVE-O!!!




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HAPPY FUCKING BIRFDAY, STEVE-O!!!!!!!





Today you are 23 years old and I am missing the festivities.
I tried to call you with my new home phone numba', but you didn't answer.
It's been way too fucking long since we last kicked it and it's my fault.
I lost your number for awhile, and a half million other tragedies have permitted me from seeing much of anyone lately.
For that I am sorry.

I can't imagine life without you and I think it's super cool how long we've been in each other's lives!



You make me laugh so fucking hard.
You cheer me up when I'm sad.
You rock the shocker better than anyone I know.
And  you have the best laugh I've ever heard!



CALL ME, FUCKA!
((I LEFT MY NEW DIGITS ON YOUR YAHOO THINGY))
I need to know when I can give you your birthday spankings!
       


9/7/06 08:46 pm - Nude Models & High School Legends


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Today in Drawing & Perspective we had to draw a live nude model.
She was a cool, OLDER woman who got "in the mood" by playing The Cars, The Beatles and Van Morrison.
It wasn't as awkward as I expected it to be either.

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She was about fifty years old and had the biggest bush I have seen in a long fucking time.
I sat there eating a chilli dog and couldn't help but stare at her withered camel toe.



LAST NIGHT...
I went to the gas station up the street to pick up a few ingredients for the turkey stroganoff I made for dinner and the first thing the teenage gas station boys ask was, "AMY!  DO YOU HAVE A SISTER NAMED, BRIANNA!?!"
I said, "Yes, isn't she a little sex kitten?"
And they said,  "DAMN, she looks exactly like you!!!" 

That cracks me the fuck up.

Here's a picture of us we took about a year ago: 
It's cropped for my myspace pic, but you can still kind of see how frightening the resemblence is.






HERE'S  THE FULL VERSION AND A FEW EXTRA
CHECK THEM OUT!!!

8/30/06 04:15 pm - STATE FAIR


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DAMNITT!



I really want to go to the State Fair so I can get drunk and punch out one of the monsters at the Haunted House.



But I too po'.

8/20/06 10:12 pm - ADVERTISING SLOGAN GENERATOR

LMFAO!!!!!



This site was shown to me today by the wonderful James.



It makes me laugh to no end.



Just type in a dirty word and



**BAM!**



They stick it in an existing slogan:



((The word/phrase I used:  "WITHERED COOTER"))




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8/19/06 04:39 pm - FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE



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FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU! 



FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU! 



FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU! 



FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU! 



FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU! 



FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU! 



FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU! 



FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!
FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!  FUCK YOU!
FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!



FUCK YOU! 
YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!



 



 

8/15/06 07:21 pm - JAZZMAN





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Yesterday was funny.
I joined Darrel on a fabulous trip to downtown to go to the big Target down there.
There was a guy I call Jazzman rockin' out on his saxaphone on the street corner.
Not long after I sat down and enjoyed the festivities, a guy in a wheelchair crossed the street and started dancing
((YES IN HIS WHEELCHAIR))
to the music provided by Jazzman.



Proobably one of the most beautiful sights I've seen in awhile.
When we finished shopping, The Gringo and I ate lunch in the cafe on the first floor. 
There was some really drunk older guy in his late 40's early 50's talking shit to this old lady and her granddaughter.
Then he starts quoting REM songs and when they leave he starts serenading the remaining people with a deppressing Red Hot Chilli Peppers song. 
THEN...
I saw a woman resembling Richard-SWEATIN'-TO-THE-OLDIES-
Simmons who I filmed during a bumhunt downtown with Steve-O like 3 fucking years ago!!!
That is some funny shit!
I think she was wearing the same thing too lol.




7/30/06 03:19 pm





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Yesterday I worked in the morning then went to Ilona's boyfriend, Gary's for a pool party.
His parents have a huge fucking house and an even nicer backyard.  It's all fenced in, there is a pool filled with bathtub temp. water, a huge deck and a gazebo. 
Just beautiful.
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I saw the raw cut of the movie I have a small part in. 
It looks fucking fantastic not to mention completely hilarious!
I spent most of the time in the water on floatation devices such as a dolphin with a huge scary grin and innertubes.  It was so relaxing just floating around the pool drinking beer.  The sunset last night was phenomenal as well.
It was just a great night.
Oh, yeah then I lost about 3 pints of blood from a bloody nose.  That sucked a fuck.


I needed a night out with good friends.
My great grandma died recently and there has been a shitload of family tragedys since.
Not to mention drama at home.
Ilona and I are going to get together later so until then....

HOMEWORK

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7/19/06 04:28 pm - I'M IN A MOVIE!!!


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I'M IN A MOVIE!



My friends and I were cast as extras in a party scene for the movie, 'Baby Wad'.
I'm sooooooo excited to see how it turns out!



We all had a lot of fun during fuilming.  My best friend, Ilona and her boyfriend, Gary were the make-out couple.  My friend and neighbor, Jesse was cast as the pervert who sits on the couch next to them and watchesthe process intently.
I was cast as a shot slot. 
Ilona tried to send me pictures from the shoot but for some reason they didn't work so I'll have to post them later.



This movie sounds like quite the piece too. 



Apparently it is about someone who takes a used tampon and puts it in a used condom and they bury it out in the backyard and low and behold, an old man crawls out of the ground and that's about all I know about the plot.
But it sure sounds like a peach.



7/17/06 06:05 pm - I Gotta Good Kick...

LMFAO!!!



 




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7/2/06 05:10 pm - The Taste Of Alice Cooper


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Two nights ago I saw Alice Cooper at the Taste of Minnesota in St. Paul.
I went with Dad and Sharon, it fucking rocked!



He played all my favorite songs and then some. 
The highlight of the fucking show was some 40-ish computer geek guy TOTALLY rocking out all but with his cock out. 
-I'm talking feet stomping at chest level, arms splayed out waving wildy, totally loving it just a wee bit to much. 
Anyway, he was cool.
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I also saw Joy, one of my favorite Brookside customers who I haven't seen for at least a year and a half.  She gave me a big hug and told me about how mad she was when I was no longer there to sell her smokes in the morn'.



Other than that, I've met 7 of my neighbors and they are all really great people.
Needless to say, I've been party-hopping a fucking lot lately.




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6/28/06 02:02 pm

PLEASE HELP!

I was injured on the job a few years ago and fought to high hell and back w/ my employer's insurance company to pay for my injury.  They supposedly closed the account for no apparent reason and I had to call them to open it up again.  
That was the last time I heard anything about it.

Then a few months ago I started recieving bills for my injury from the place where I was treated.  I should've called then to get it straightened out but I didn't. 
Now they sent me to a collection agency and I don't know what to do.
 

6/7/06 10:29 pm - LAURA BUSH WAS AT MY PLACE TODAY


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LAURA BUSH WAS AT MY PLACE TODAY.



Not my house of course, but the complex my townhome is located. 
I looked outside and there were all these secret service guys walking buy my living room window -guys in suits are definately not an everyday occurence for where I reside! 
Half of the police department were here as well. 
There were dogs sniffing every car for bombs. 
I understand the measure for security and all, it's just wierd to see it all go down out your front window. 
Apparently she was here to present an award for this place being one of the top 100 safest places for children to live -which fucking blows my mind considering some guy pissed in a snowbank at 4am right in front of me the first night here ((Not to mention a list of other such festivities which also took place that night! ))  LOL
A week ago we all got notices telling us no parking was allowed that day due to "road repair".
LMFAO!!!
These roads haven't been repaired since this place was built in the fifites!   
My buddy, Cliff (who works around the complex) told me that she was comming the night before.  He knows I hate the president so he made me promise not to hurt her LOL!!!



Sure I'd like to, but come on....  I'm not that fucking dumb.



Anyway, I have her magical M5 entrance on video tape and all that "happy crappy" as Stephen King says.



Then I made ice cream.



THE END.

5/8/06 03:06 am - Someting Dun' Fucked Ma' FACE UP!!!






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 bsp;   I am a complete skeptic when it comes to validating spirits in a photograph,
but I simply can not describe what I saw tonight.

My buddy and I were taking stupid pics earlier this evening [w/ a digital camera] and slowly but surely,  very scary,   
A N G R Y  things started to appear in places they simply were not.
  
Fear is not a feeling I experience often at all, it's more like fascination -especially when dealing with the paranormal.  However, tonight I wanted to run out of my room screaming like a  twatscicle  b/c I didn't want to share a room with whatever was showing up in the pics.
     I'd really like to provide you with a visual representation, but the files are insanely huge, they are not in my comp. yet, and I don't have the time to post them tonight. 
BUT I can describe a few.
((I have never seen anything remotely close to it on my camera before..we made sure it wasn't the lighting, or any other device, and did I mention I am a proffessional photographer and still can't figure it out??))
     Basically it looks exactly like someone used the small round, "burn" brush tool in photoshop to burn out vital parts of my face like my eyes, mouth..etc. And with every picture it looks like they get angrier with me b/c the gouges/skribbles get bigger and more intricate. 
     In one pic my eye look withered and my skin literally looks like it's rotting off.  There is also a disturbing pattern across my forehead almost reminding me of a celtic/tribal mix. 
((NO, I AM  NOT  ON DRUGS.)) 
     In another picture, my entire head is covered in a weird red light making it look like somone drew a wig on me...then blacked out my eyes. 
The pic after that is chaotic. 
My face looks decomposed and extra bloated. 
   ** Even more disturbing is the scraggly lines that come out of my mouth, drift downward and up onto a weird patch of red resembling a wound right below his right eye. 
They almost look like giant sperm b/c of the shape they form below his eye.  
     I SHIT you not...  I know this sounds incredibly crazy, but it looks like they are eating the skin below his eye.  I showed it to my roomate and he could offer no explanation and left almost as afraid as I was.
     I know you can't give me a thorough hypothesis w/ out seeing the actual images, but I couldn't wait to ask someone so I could figure out WTF it was.
  
ANY CLUE AS TO WHAT IT MIGHT BE????
I've never felt this uncomfortable in my room. 
Every time I go in there my heart starts beating significantly faster for no apparent reason and I have to leave b/c it
it's almost unbearable and unlike anything I've experienced recently.



  Ahmee
  

4/28/06 05:50 pm - Ahmee Makin' With The FREAK FREAK!!!!

 SHEEiT!





If this goan be dat  kinda party, Im'a stick mdick in da mashed potatoes !!!



Ah-OW Ah-OW-Ah  OW  Uh-O-Uh-HUH!



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4/28/06 01:03 am - IKE REILLY SPECRAPULAR!




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Tuesday night was yet another Ike Reilly show.
I love seeing them preform live!
They played at the Turf Club.  It was packed with poople.



I stood and drooled at the guitarist, Phillip E. Karnatz.

I went up to him after the show and patted him on the back and said, "I've said it before and I'll say it again... you're the only reason I come to these shows!" 
((Which isn't really true, I'd probably go regardless, but...))

He said, "Oh, HEY!  I thought you were mad at me!  I wanna talk to you later!"
I told him, "Naw, I thought you were mad at me!  Well, you know where to find me."
((FROM THE LAST SHOW WE TALKED))



Anyway we talked for awhile.  I don't really remember what we said, but he told me to befriend him on Myspace and some other stuff I can't remember but wish I did. 



When I got home I got a message from Darrel that instantly brought me to tears.
I won't divulge the secrets I'm to tired to tell, but I will say
THE SHIT HIT THE FAN!



And that is sadly a severe understatement.
((More on that later))



Pat and I are pulling an all-nighter b/c we have to be at work at 4:00am.
OUCH.

I have soooooooo much fucking homework to do it's ridiculous!
Well off to tackle at least a minute portion.



 


4/24/06 07:21 pm - LADYTRON CONCERT


THE LADYTRON CONCERT SATURDAY NIGHT KICKED SO MUCH ASS!!!!!



My brother didn't want me to go to a concert Dowtown by myself, so he took me.
His friend, Eric came with too.
We had a few drinks at the Retreat before going to First Ave.  Ladytron wasn't suppose to be on for another couple hours and we didn't really want to sit through the opening acts. 
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It was a weird night. 

I swear I can't go ANYWHERE in MN without getting recognized by somebody! 
When we were standing around waiting for Ladytron to come on, some guy walked up to me and asked if my name was Amy Lewis.  Turns out he was an old high school croonie of mine! 
WEIRD!
Anyway, Ladytron rocked and it was so cute b/c my brother is so protective of me. 
We were down on the floor and if someone stepped in between us he tapped on their shoulder and was like, "Ahem, that's my sister up there and I sort of need to be near her so would you please move?" 
LMFAO!!!
It's still really weird to know I have a brother. 
We didn't meet until we were in high school.  It turns out we didn't know each other existed until we realized we were both attending
the SAME high school  and lived 3 blocks away from each other!



Image hosting by PhotobucketI t's weird b/c I've always wanted an older brother and now that I have one, I couldn't ask for a better one! Image hosting by Photobucket



Image hosting by PhotobucketTHEN we went and met a few of his buddies at some bar in Uptown. 
They had a popcorn/ peanut bar downstairs were you could litter the floor with shells which rocked a cock and a half.  My brother's friend Eric and I were throwing popcorn at random passerbys, it was positively beautiful!



Eric has more balls than I DO when it comes to fuckin' w/ the public!  LOL
Some guy called him on throwing the popcorn at him so instead of apoligizing, Eric throws the rest of his popcorn box on dude's head! 
IT WAS BEAUTIFUL!!!!!
And if that's not bad enough, he threw his drink in some random person's face on the way out! 
CLASSIC!
  That is something I would do!!!! Image hosting by Photobucket



HOLY SHIT!!!
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Some guy walked by me and leaned over to (what I thought was) whisper in my ear, and he fucking kisses my ear!
WOAH, BUDDY!!!
My brother came to my rescue before I even realized what just happened and started yelling, "Oh, HELL NO!!!  You don't just walk up to a girl like that and not expect to get a fist in your face, Shithead!  You know that's my sister!?!?"  LMFAO!!!



Then when we finally left, some guy comes up to me and asks if my name is Amy.



AGAIN!



I knew who it was so it was cool.  Little Ben from high school.  I wish we could've exchanged more words, but I was trying to break up a street fight and other such catastrophies. 



Anyway, I finally have the net starting tommorow! 
YAY! 



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Image hosting by PhotobucketAhmeee





 

Tags:

4/21/06 06:09 pm - THESE PAST TWO WEEKS

A LOT  HAS HAPPENED IN THESE PAST FEW WEEKS!!!
After yet another period of seclusion and hibernation, Kurt came out of his shell and started talking to everybody again.  We usually see each other at least once a week, but I hadn't seen him in at least a month or two.

((I  this picture of him!))

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He posted this pic on Myspace (which I'd completely forgotten!)
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ALSO: 
STEVE-O AND I MADE AMENDS!!!!!

((2005))
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He saw the recent entry I posted saying how I missed him, and he called me a few days later. 
I'm glad he's back in my life b/c he's one of my BEST buds and I've realized I NEED him in my life in order to be complete!
Now I'mwhole again!
                                             
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Last night my brother picked me up after he got off work. 
I hadn't seen him since..... uh... well so long ago I don't even remember! 
We were suppose to celebrate our birthdays together since they're a day apart, but he never called me and hasn't answered my calls since. 
He sent me a text yesterday that said,
"Sorry baby sis, I've been bullshittin'.  But I think about you every day and I love you so call me."
Aww...
We drove to his new house where we grilled and celebrated one of his croonies' birfdays.  The whole party passed out before anyone could even eat their cake so it sucked.  Especially since I didn't feel like drinking last night and neglected to partake in the festivities.
Anway, my brother lives a few cities away and since he was too bishwushed to drive I was stranded.  I would not have minded staying, but I had a lot of homework to do and it seems like I haven't spent more than 2 consecutive hours at home during this whole week! 
Plus I missed mein katze!
It was late when I left and the only one who could come to my rescue was ari!
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((Thanks again ari! ))
I heart u.



My brother called me this morning and apoligized for passing out early. 
We're going to go see LADYTRON tommorow night at 1st Ave...I can't wait!!!!

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